Legend of Zelda: the NONLegend
by HACK2
Summary: a humorous fanfic about the Legend of Zelda series with a touch of idiocy
1. Default Chapter

Zelda, Link, and Saria begin their journey.or otherwise known as their lazy day around the house. With breakfast---  
  
Link: ZELDA! What the hell happened to the PANCAKES!  
  
Saria: AWW! Nasty! What did you do? Microwave them?!  
  
Link: Yeah! Did you microwave them? They look like they bubbled then popped!  
  
Zelda: Um.no.No I didn't microwave them!  
  
::pancake batter drips from microwave::  
  
Link: You really need to learn how to cook Zelda!  
  
Zelda: Heh?!..Uh.why don't we go out for breakfast today?! It's on me.  
  
Link: Yes.why don't we. At least there we can get something that's actually EDIBLE!  
  
::five minutes later::  
  
Link: C'mon Saria.we're going out now.  
  
Saria: You mean.out there? In the light?  
  
Link: Yeah.out there.whatever that is supposed to mean.  
  
Zelda: LETS GO SARIA! WE'RE GETTING HUNGRY!  
  
Saria: I won't be seen in the light.  
  
Zelda: .Right.well.don't go ya little freak of nature.  
  
Saria: HEY! Link?! Make her be nice!?  
  
Link: No..no.. Zelda is right. if you don't want to go, you don't have to go you little freak of nature  
  
Saria: HEY HEY HEY!!!!  
  
Zelda & Link: BYE BYE!!!  
  
::Zelda and Link arrive at restaurant::  
  
Zelda: Hey.look at the bright side; at least we can be alone together Link.you know, without her!  
  
Link: Uhh.. I don't know what you're talking about Zelda. But from where it's going I'm not sure I want to know.  
  
Zelda: C'mon Link, you don't have to pretend.Saria isn't here!  
  
Link: Um, let me check.. Nope.no I'm pretty sure I'm not pretending.  
  
Zelda: LINK!? I thought you we're coming on to me?!  
  
Link: HOLD UP! Where the hell is this coming from?!  
  
Zelda: The way you've been looking at me the last couple of days.  
  
Link: I haven't been looking---  
  
Shadowy Figure:: That's right Zelda. There has been someone looking you over, but I can assure it wasn't Link!  
  
Link: ...  
  
Zelda: Who are you?  
  
Link: Zelda.  
  
Zelda: WHO ARE YOU?  
  
Link: Uhh.Zelda?  
  
Zelda: YOU WILL TELL ME NOW WHO YOU ARE OR---  
  
Link: ZELDA! SHUT-UP AND LISTEN!  
  
Zelda: GASP!  
  
Link: What the hell was that?  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Shadowy Figure: You GASPed!  
  
Zelda: Soooo..  
  
Link: It's usually ::GASP!::  
  
Shadowy Figure: Yeah.but you actually said the word GASP.moron!?  
  
Zelda: Oh.well that's not important.can we get back to the story line here?  
  
Link: Oh.heh.yeah.. anyway. ZELDA! SHUT-UP AND LISTEN!  
  
::Zelda GASPs::  
  
Link: the shadowy figure is Skull Kid  
  
Skull Kid: .ooooh.(shit)  
  
Zelda: EEW! EEW! EWW! EWW!YOU mean skull kid was the one looking me over?! But how did he look like Link then?  
  
Skull Kid: Oh. about that. I stole many of Link's green cloaks from his stash.  
  
Link: So that's why almost HALF OF MY CLOTHES ARE GONE!?!  
  
Skull Kid: Heh?!  
  
Link: WHY YOU SACK OF---  
  
::Link and Skull Kid engage in hand-to-hand combat for many minutes.considering that Link is much stronger. the fight was one-sided. Skull Kid gives-up hurt & bruised::  
  
::They all later go back home::  
  
Link: We're home Saria!  
  
:: . ::  
  
Zelda: Where's Saria?  
  
::::DOES anyone really know where Saria has gone? And what about all of Links clothes has Link beaten the living crap out of Skull Kid enough? Find out Next Time!::::  
  
Link: Um.HACK.please don't narrate like that again.it's terribly annoying.  
  
::Whatever Link.I can do this just to annoy you anyway.:: ::::BUT until then! SEE YOU NEXT EPISODE!:: 


	2. Saria found

::last we found ourselves,..um..well..we lost Saria::  
  
Skull Kid: So where is Saria?  
  
Link & Zelda: ..um..if we new..we WOULDN'T BE LOOKING!  
  
Skull Kid: .oh.Oh Yeah!  
  
::phone rings:: ::Link picks up phone::  
  
Link: Hello?  
  
Phone Voice: Well HELLO Link! This is Rauru!  
  
Link: Oh.Hey!  
  
Zelda: Crap!? It's Rauru isn't it?  
  
::Link cups hand over phone::  
  
Link: Yup.Better go get some groceries!  
  
Rauru: Well.um.I'm coming into town this week and I was wondering if I could stay with you?  
  
Link: No. no. please don't come to our house!  
  
Rauru: Great! I'll be in town by Thursday, see you soon!  
  
Link: WAIT! No---  
  
::phone hangs up on other end::  
  
Link: Crap! . fatass Rauru is coming here this Thursday.  
  
Zelda: Well, anyway. lets go find Saria  
  
::phone rings again::  
  
Link: Hello!?  
  
Voice: Hey, Link. my prince!  
  
Link: RUTO! Why are you calling!?  
  
Ruto: Well, I am coming in this Thursday and---  
  
Link: YOU'RE WITH RAURU AREN'T YOU!!!!  
  
Ruto: ..um..noooo.  
  
Link: whatever.just..never mind.  
  
Ruto: Cool, well see you Thursday!  
  
Link: Double f***ing crap!  
  
Skull Kid: Found her!  
  
Link & Zelda: who?  
  
Skull Kid: .Saria!?  
  
Link & Zelda: ..?  
  
Link & Zelda: Oh!.Yeah!  
  
Zelda: Well? Where was she?  
  
Saria: I was taking a bath!?!? And this perverted Skull Kid barged into the bathroom!  
  
Skull Kid: heh!?  
  
Link: Little pervert!  
  
Link: So what did she look like?!  
  
::Saria slaps link across the face "HARD" , leaving him in pain and unable to move his cheeks::  
  
::Thursday comes along:: ::doorbell rings:: ::link answers door::  
  
::this narrating is starting to annoy me::  
  
Rauru & Ruto: HEEEEELLLLLOOO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!  
  
Link: (crap)  
  
Link: uhh..Talk to Saria!  
  
::Link runs to out the back door and across the street::  
  
Ruto: .where did he go?  
  
Saria: Hey Guys!  
  
Rauru & Ruto: Piss off Saria!  
  
Saria: HEY! WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO ME!?  
  
::Rauru invites himself in and goes to the kitchen::  
  
Ruto: So where's Links room?  
  
Saria: Down the hall, to the left.  
  
::Ruto snickers to self, heads towards Link's room:: ::Link comes back five hours later::  
  
Link: Saria!? Are they around?  
  
Saria: ...noooo!?  
  
Link: Good, well I am tired, so I'm heading off to bed!  
  
::Link goes inside his room, lights turned off, finds his bed and gets in:: . . . Link: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
::Link jumps out of bed::  
  
Ruto: Hello honey!?---  
  
Link: RUTO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!! IN MY BED!!!  
  
::::I hate narrating like this, SEE YOU NEXT EPISODE:::: 


End file.
